Veeka's new flag

Many months later, I read on one of my adoption blogs stories of other single moms who also had no happy faces waiting for them at the airport so I realized it wasn’t just me who lacked for a welcoming party but to anyone who reads this, please realize that when you’ve been the air nearly 24 hours and you’ve just adopted a child, it really matters when people care enough to show up at the airport. Not a day or several weeks later but at the airportwith balloons and nice signs. Those of us who adopt never get the congratulations that pregnant women get so this is our big hurrah. Being that I never got a baby shower, either, I decided two months later to throw a birthday party for Veeka’s 2nd birthday, which did attract a nice crowd. I’ll also say that Veeka’s Aunt Susan provided enough gifts for Veeka the Christmas before to make up for two missed showers.

"Where's Aslan?" she wonders

And so – five years later, it’s been a quiet winter here. Things will get a bit sparser next week when I embark on a new diet during Lent (not very spiritual, I know, but oh well) that believe me, is very much needed. We are now in late winter (as opposed to early winter or mid-winter) and I’ve been reading the Narnia books to my daughter at a very fast slip. We galloped through “Silver Chair,” “Prince Caspian” and “Horse and His Boy” and are nearly done with “Magician’s Nephew.” Then it’s on to “Last Battle” and we’re done. Veeka is slowly learning how to read and I make her sit down almost daily and go through one of her simple reading books with me.  She loves anything that makes her a bit independent and she’s really good at getting up on a stool to sneak cookies out of the kitchen while I’m upstairs working. She’s never hungry during dinner but she’s always hungry at other times. Some things don’t change.

Professor Duin at the ready

The downside is that I’m actually losing money by working there. When I get a check every other week, it knocks out the money I’d ordinarily get for unemployment. Yes, am still on the government dole as I am working various part-time gigs but nothing full-time. When you’re honest and actually report that you made a bit of money here and there, the system punishesyou by subtracting that from the little amount that you get each week from the feds. And yes, the unemployment check is sizeably more than what one gets as an adjunct. And so when I got handed a whopping bill from the vet this afternoon after taking my elderly tabby in for some teeth cleaning (her breath was really smelling bad in recent months and my other cat nearly died last year because I had delayed getting her teeth done), that alone took up two weeks worth of adjunct pay.

Love the cold weather!

It’s been amazingly warm here and we’ve only had a touch of snow once. The days are already getting longer. Veeka is taking pottery and swim classes. Even though French fries are a major diet staple, she is still a thin little thing so she shivers in the water during lessons. And so I found a kiddie wetsuit for my little mermaid which she tried on tonight and just loves. I am thrilled to see her getting the kicks down; now if she can only figure out what to do with her arms.

Today’s photos are courtesy of Joey Marguerite, a Seattle-area friend who swung by last fall and who hopefully is soon to release a wildly popular best-selling CD of her music.

Veeka on Jan. 25, 2007

I have been observing 5-year anniversary dates with Veeka this month. Today – Jan. 25 – was ‘gotcha’ day – as they say in adoption parlance, which is usually when a court awards you custody. I still had 3 weeks to go in the country but she was MINE. The clock started ticking for the final 15 days when the birth parents could – at the last minute – come claim her, which thankfully they did not. On Feb. 10, the final papers were signed and on Feb. 17, we landed at Dulles and Veeka became an American citizen. So tonight we went out to celebrate. First we picked up 2 new pairs of glasses (Veeka lost one of her original pairs and the other is all scratched up) that have cool blue and pink frames. Then we went out to a Mexican food place – Chevys Fresh Mex – which we were told about by her uncle Rob. I was underwhelmed by the place although the service was fine. It made me homesick for the really good Mexican places in Houston, ie the legendary Ninfa’s.

Veeka at Cumberland Gap National Historic Park on Dec. 31

Today was my first day of teaching at the University of Maryland. Haven’t taught a 3-hour class in 10 years and none of the books for the class were ready so….had to wing it! It should be lots of fun and I was able to set up a blog for all the students to share ‘religion encounters and experiences’ to get them used to engaging with various religions around them. Can’t report on something unless you’re aware it exists. Must say the journalism building at UMd is gorgeous and I teach in a lovely classroom with glass walls. The staff could not be nicer and it’s clear this is a pretty classy place. Had to duck into the student union to order some material printed and ran into reams of students there as many classes began today. It has been awhile since I’ve hung out on university campuses.

Snowball maker

It is in the 30s these days, but at least – unlike poor Alaska – we’re not having snow. Being that I got into a fenderbender last weekend and my car is quasi-driveable, I am glad for the lack of white stuff. However, I got a $10 LLBean coupon in the mail so today Veeka and I went to the store to see what we could get for that amount of money. She latched onto – I kid you not – something that looked like a cross between a red plastic pair of tongs and an ice cream scoop. The clerk told us it was a snowball maker. OK….

Veeka and her oeuvre d'art

The photo here is of Veeka posing next to some artwork she did for a class last month. Her teacher thinks she is quite talented so I am trying to encourage her art. And a few other things: She is taking a swim class at the county pool on Saturdays but because she could not glide far enough, she was demoted from Level 2 to Level 1 to get her stroke down. She is so thin, she shivers in the pool so I am looking about for a thermal suit to buy her. Other news: My “Days of Fire and Glory” book finally made it into Kindle so you can download it here.

And some friends of mine who run a think tank known as the Edmund Burke Institute just ran one of my essays here. This week has been filled with preparations for teaching a religion writing course at the University of Maryland starting Jan. 25. I finally turned in my syllabus, which took more work than I thought. It’s tough to think 15 weeks in advance as to what you might be teaching as this is a new course and I have no idea how long certain things might take to cover. And my class is a nearly 3-hour marathon on Wednesday mornings which saves on parking fees but basically mandates a coffee break midway through. So now I’m getting all sorts of emails from the university and gradually getting to know the campus as I drop by to get my faculty/adjunct ID number and next, my parking passes as there are parking ghouls aplenty on that campus that literally sit and wait for you to be one minute late to your car. One was waiting for me in a white pick-up on Thursday; fortunately I had three minutes on my meter but I would have loved to have fired a dart into one of his tires.

Here I am awkwardly trying to play with Veeka and her little friends in the reception area of her orphanage.

I’m the clueless-looking person in the pink sweater and Veeka’s in the orange sweater probably wondering who this strange person is next to her trying to operate a spinning top. I had no more idea of how to be a mom than fly to the moon BUT there I was – with another couple who were meeting their little boy for the first time. I told Veeka tonight about the anniversary and she was more concerned with how she got a strange scar on her leg, which was a clumsy attempt by a hospital to remove a birth mark when she was a baby. Dressed in the green Talbotts nightgown she got for Christmas, she fell asleep listening to worship music. Tonight she watched the VeggieTales “Jonah” and “The Little Mermaid” which I think came out 20-some years ago.

It’s been fun watching old classics with her. Uncle Rob gave her a copy of “Amahl and the Night Visitors” to watch – this is the 1951 version – and she’s loved that. She likes to hobble around, pretending she is Amahl. She’s also hoping it will snow soon, which it could with these cold temps. Not a whole lot of news here – here’sthe latest of my WaPo pieces – came out Jan. 1 in the Arts section so at least I’m getting around a little.

Veeka at the end of 2011 - an angel for the Christmas pageant

I enjoyed the brief visit to Tennessee; got to see old friends and the weather was nice the whole time. An unexpected surprise was visiting Cumberland Gap National Historical Park – read about it here – which is where Kentucky, Tennessee and Virginia meet. I wasn’t planning to go as it seemed quite a distance from where I was staying just east of Knoxville but the places I wanted to visit near Dollywood were all closed so we drove 15 miles east on I-40, then 50 miles north on 25E to this lovely park with gorgeous views over three states. It took about 90 minutes – with 1-2 stops – to get there and I was fascinated by how much of America migrated through this area to reach Kentucky and lands beyond during Revolutionary War days up until about 1810. People basically trekked down the spine of Virginia, then crossed here. A guide showed me where there were other gaps but the way was then blocked by more mountains or Indians whereas this route was much flatter. I hope to go back.

Veeka builds a gingerbread house

Oma and Opa eventually flew home and Veeka and I are now in Knoxville for a few days at a Christian resort – Smoky Mountain Christian Village , see here – we just got here and we have the loveliest cottage all to ourselves. On the way, we stopped by Grayson Highlands State Park, which is near Mt. Rogers, the highest peak in Virginia. And we stayed with a friend last night in Blacksburg so I finally got to see Virginia Tech – had never viewed the place even though it’s Virginia’s largest university.

Unfortunately there is little WiFi in this area and I am filing this at a McDonalds where the connection is VERY slow and it’s almost impossible to download more Christmas photos so will stop there. More adventures to come.

Veeka (middle) and friends vamping it up at the aviation museum

Well, except for making the dinner salad, everything’s pretty much ready to go. We leave for church in about 2 hours for the “no-rehearsal Christmas pageant” where Veeka will either be an angel like last year or maybe she’ll be one of the 3 kings. The weather here is cold but clear which is delightful for all of us up and down the East Coast who depended on decent flying weather to get in and out during the holidays. Oma and Opa arrived on Tuesday and they’ve been hanging out at the house, decorating the tree, helping me with the groceries, putting up a mirror and wrapping gifts for under the tree, 99% of which are for Miss Veeka. I, alas, am quite late with the Christmas cards, which I only recently ordered from Vista Print – great invention, that site. And there was a slight crisis with my hard drive crashing on Wednesday, which delayed my getting out the Christmas letter. Anyway, Opa is watching the Vikings vs the Redskins, Oma is dozing and I am half-watching Veeka who is playing with her dollhouse.

Veeka with 2 friends: Veronica (l) and Chloe (r) at a Christmas fair

I do have another article out; this one in The Christian Century; my first sale to that magazine and yes, it’s about politics.  I have one more big assignment due and then I need to rustle up more business. Am also starting work for a web site so we’ll see how that goes. The photo to the right shows a scene at the College Park aviation museum where I took Veeka and 2 friends to see Santa Claus land by helicopter which was a thrill (for them). Tons of kids mobbed the event but there were lots of crafts that were free so a good time was had by all except I was left exhausted! The things on their heads are balloons, btw.

Tomorrow will be quiet; opening gifts, then doing little until we head over to Rob and Jan’s for Christmas dinner. The other day, I took Veeka and a friend to the Newseum downtown which was a fascinating look at the history of media and how it has affected our culture. I never really knew about events such as the Lindbergh baby kidnapping and how that spooked the country in the 1930s. There was a whole section of the room devoted to September 11 and a whole wall of newspaper headlines that ran September 12. And screen upon screen of newsreels from the first few hours of that awful day.

My two kitties have so enjoyed all the extra attention they get from Opa so they are definitely enjoying this holiday. Five years ago this week I was in Seattle, madly getting together extra cash for my flight to Kazakhstan. Amazing how quickly the years have passed as Veeka is now 6.

Merry Christmas to all!

The soon-to-be baptized Veeka and her mommy

Other happenings this week: Got a smallish story in the WaPo magazine this week for their “in memoriam” section about local people who had died during the year, weren’t famous but who had led exemplary lives. My story was about Elijah Byrd, a pentecostal minister who rode a motorcycle. I interviewed the family in…October, I think and it took some time to explain to them what these obits were all about. The wife was not willing at first to be interviewed so I contacted the brother-in-law who very kindly talked the rest of the family into working with me. I am very sorry I never met Mr. Byrd in real life as we probably would have gotten along really well.

The photos in this post are taken by Lauren Pond, who shot tons of photos for Veeka’s baptism. I finally was able to download what she took so am running them from time to time as they are beautiful and I am so glad I invested in a photographer. Anyway, today the Wall Street Journal ran this story on how Hanukkah has been revved up as a holiday to compete with Christmas. I’d say there are forces that would like to do away with Christmas altogether. An odd incident at Veeka’s public school yesterday made me realize this. The kids were performing a holiday show with one song about snowmen, one was “Jingle Bells” and the other was “Light the Candle” or something like that about “dancing the hora” and Hanukkah. The kids wore around their necks little paper bells, snowmen or….dreidels – a major Hanukkah symbol. I glanced around the cafeteria and there were several Muslim moms there, all wearing hijab. Did they know their kids were singing Jewish songs? Every Muslim I know would be very perturbed at that idea.

Veeka waits to be baptized

Also, this is not heavily Jewish Montgomery County. This is overwhelmingly black/Hispanic Prince George’s County. Ours is the county that defeated Maryland’s same-sex marriage bill. We’re talking evangelical Protestant/pentecostal or Catholic adherents. The Muslim families I’ve encountered are mostly immigrants. One of Veeka’s favorite friends has an Egyptian, hijab-wearing mom. I’d be surprised if there were a handful of Jewish kids in the entire school. Sooooooo …why are we singing about Hanukkah and not Christmas? I like dreidels and have two at home along with a menorah, the First and Second Jewish Catalogues and a killer recipe for challah. I can recite the kiddush or Shabbat blessings by heart – in Hebrew. But this was a bit too politically correct for moi.

I approached the music teacher, who said the songs were selections the kindergarten teachers had requested because they were fun/easy to sing and I said fine, but I found it bizarre that Christmas wasn’t alluded to at all in their presentation. Instead of snowmen around the kids’ necks, how about a star? And was it that difficult to teach the kids “Silent Night”? Amazingly, the discrepancy had never occurred to her. It would not happen next year, she promised. We shall see. I was watching the kids channel Nickelodeon this afternoon and darned if there wasn’t something about dreidels on that too, along with a voice over cooing about that and wrapping presents being what “the season” is all about. I had a discussion the other day with someone who suggested that all the debate about “Christmas wars” was over the top. I didn’t think so because it’s gotten so that one never hears the word “Jesus” this time of year unless you are physically inside a church. You won’t hear it in school, on TV or in the stores. I hear the drumbeat of doing away with any mention of God having something to do with things that happen in December. It’s creepy. And it’s in my daughter’s school.

Elizabeth, the little girl in the middle in the magenta pants, has just arrived at Dulles Airport with her mom, Nina (yellow T-shirt) after a 12-hour flight from Moscow on Aug. 17. All six kids in this photo belong to Nina and Jon Clark.

Early last spring, I had just published my Metropolitan Jonah piece in the Post and was scouting about for more ideas to pitch when I remembered Andrea Roberts, who runs this incredible site called reecesrainbow.org. It advocates for handicapped orphans overseas and to date, Andrea has gotten 500 families to sign up to adopt kids mainly with Down syndrome but also those with AIDS/HIV, spina bifida and many other problems that lead parents to dump their offspring into Eastern European orphanages. I had done a story on her back in 2009 and had kept in touch, as I’m hoping she can help find a home for a little girl in Kazakhstan who has spina bifida and whose parents dumped her at the same orphanage from where I got Veeka.

Andrea lives about 20 miles from me so I asked folks at the Post about doing an article on her work. They suggested I find a family that had picked out a child’s photo from Andrea’s site and follow them through the adoption process. Andrea gave me a list of names and I picked a family in Germantown that had a child in mind and was starting the three required trips to Russia to adopt little Elizabeth, then 7, whose parents had abandoned her when they learned she had Downs. They then went on to have another child, who didn’t have Downs and to this day, the kid, who’s probably 5 or 6 now, probably doesn’t know she had an older sister.

So, starting in April, I started driving the 60-mile round trip to Germantown to meet the parents, Nina and Jon Clark, and the rest of this family and follow them through the ups and downs of their trips. On Aug. 17, Nina flew back with Elizabeth in tow and I shot the above photo as they gathered at the airport after a two-hour wait at the international arrivals gate. It was a tearful time, let me tell you and I hope I captured the pathos of it all in this story, which went online today on the Post’s web site. I returned to their house several more times after that – am sure they got quite sick of seeing me and answering five zillion questions – but everyone was very patient and it was exciting seeing how Elizabeth was fitting in. At one point, I turned in more than 4,000 words – which was way more than the Post had room for – so I am including below a portion that didn’t make the final draft.

On April 18, the Clarks embarked on the first of three required trips to Russia. When Nina, Jon and Andy arrived in St. Petersburg (the couple involved their sons in the process; Jacob had gone to China to pick up Abby), they found their soon-to-be daughter lived just outside of town in a sterile-looking building surrounded by a dirt playground. The hallway had no carpet; a thin layer of soot was on the concrete walls. After a meeting with a doctor who went over Elizabeth’s medical condition, they were led into another room with sheer white curtains where a handful of children were playing. One of the children was a girl in a red jumper with a pink ribbon in her hair. Although she had on glasses, it was clear she could barely see. When a caregiver introduced Jon to her as “Papa,” she gave him a hug. He melted. So did Andy.

            “She is adorable,” he told his parents.

            “We met our sweet girl today!” Nina exulted on the family’s blog: saveanorphantoday.blogspot.com.

            The next day, Elizabeth clung to Andy, wrapping her little body around his torso. The third day, they kissed her farewell and headed home. While they waited to be summoned back to Russia, Nina posted frequent updates on her blog, while Andy struggled for weeks with an illness he had caught in Russia. The family took one last camping trip as a five-some; compensating for the lack of a fence by placing Abby in a stroller much of the time and Emma – who tends to run away – restrained in a child safety harness.

            There were two more trips back to St. Petersburg that summer, a time of white nights and 70-degree temperatures in Russia.  For the second trip, Jon and Nina flew back in early July, driving to a summer camp where Elizabeth was living. Their future daughter, who appeared to be taller and thinner, quickly recognized them and called them “Mama” and “Papa.” Once they picked her up, she refused to be put down. They didn’t want to let her go. Returning to St. Petersburg for their court appearance, the parents learned that Elizabeth had been the first child to be adopted from that orphanage in 10 years.

            The parents came home. Because Russia mandates about a month’s wait between the court date and what adoptive parents call the “gotcha” day when they get custody, Nina didn’t fly back until July 30. After several days of running about St. Petersburg getting paperwork done, Nina was taken out to Elizabeth’s camp on the afternoon of Aug. 3.

            “Elizabeth came up to me from the playground saying ‘Mama’ and had such a huge smile on her face,” Nina wrote on her blog. “She was dancing around and wanted to be picked up.” Nina changed her daughter into clothes she’d brought with her and they said good-bye to all the children they had to leave behind. Nina had posted some of their photos on her blog, hoping viewers would take an interest in adopting one.

            “One little boy followed us out like a little dog,” she wrote. “It was so sad. Our facilitator had to tell him to go back.”

            Back at the hotel, Nina’s first task was to give her daughter a bath. The child, who had apparently never seen a bathtub before, resisted for 20 minutes until Nina climbed in herself, then pulled the 50-pound child in after her. The girl’s fingernails and toenails were caked with dirt. Elizabeth cuddled up to her new mother, placing her face on Nina’s pillow so as to be as close as possible The mother-daughter pair spent their last week in Moscow on more paperwork and seeing the city. In between, Nina sermonized readers on her blog.

            She pleaded with readers to either adopt a special-needs child or help pay the costs for a family interested in doing so. “Dig down deep in your hearts, step out of your comfort zones,” she wrote. “We only have one life and one chance to do the right thing! Trust in God that he will provide and give you strength.”

Alongside her exhortations, she posted a photo of Heidi, a tiny girl at an orphanage near Elizabeth’s. By early fall, Nina triumphantly announced Heidi would no longer appear on her site. A family of five from Papillion, Neb., had agreed to take the little girl as their own.

I am hoping that this story will encourage more people to adopt special-needs kids. In the process of writing it, I learned there are 200 families willing to adopt a Down syndrome child domestically (the National Down Syndrome Adoption Association oversees this list) which is one reason the Clarks went overseas. Which goes to prove there is never a reason to abort one of these children. There are many folks who will consider such a child to be a gift.

Veeka at the memorial

The photos are of Veeka at the Sept. 11 memorial at the Pentagon. I recently visited the place with a friend and it’s amazing how many years it took me to finally visit there. I got to see Ground Zero about six months after Sept. 11 but the Pentagon memorial is tough to get to, especially for little kids. Actually I did drive up to the actual spot in one of the Pentagon parking lots about a month after the event until a Humvee started chasing me around. So I went to a hillside overlooking the place that was filled with signs and crosses and flowers.

And as of Dec. 1, I will have been out of work 18 months. I can’t even list how many places I’ve sent resumes off to; how many phone calls I’ve made, e-mails sent. And so many times I’ve had my hopes raised, only to have them thoroughly dashed, like a certain university that seemed on the brink of flying me out for a job interview – and then they picked someone else to talk with. Funny how they rejected him, too. I never knew how draining it was to look for work and how drawing up separate applications and cover letters for each job takes at least an hour per opening. Which really eats up your day. And how certain web sites, ie usajobs.com and some of the military sites simply devour your resume. I’ve been in the middle of filling in all their blanks when a note will flash, saying I’ve been on their site too long and zzzzap – all the information I’ve inputted is gone.

Veeka on one of the memorial slabs

The word on the street is that it’s basically useless applying for any job unless you know someone on the inside because you just get lost in the pile. I’ve found that to be true; and the only chances I’ve gotten are places where I’ve had an “in” somewhere.  I’ve been amazed too at the people who I’ve helped throughout the years, yet now that I am in need, they never bother to call or help out. Fortunately there have been a few saints who’ve gone out of their way to give me ideas and help me through this mess.

Veeka is fine and really hasn’t noticed the belt tightening. She is always full of theological questions. “How will we get up to heaven?” she asks. “We float up like Mary Poppins” I tell her. “I’m scared,” she says. “Oh, it’ll be fun,” I reassure her. “Woo hoo!” she chortles. “Can I give Jesus a hug?” She also is curious about how we will all fit on Jesus’ horse when he show up for the Second Coming. I explain only he will ride the horse, the rest of us will float about with the angels, apparently.

This Sunday we will light the second candle on our Advent wreath. Another year is coming to an end.